


We're not somewhere misbehaving for days

by heavenisalibrary



Series: Tumblr Prompt Fills [3]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Ficlet, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 09:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1299700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenisalibrary/pseuds/heavenisalibrary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He’d bloody well better get an annulment," River says. "Or I’ll resuscitate him after I strangle him just so I can do it again."</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're not somewhere misbehaving for days

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Amy, River, Rory sharing a bed.

"I swear to whatever god there is out there you will regret it for the rest of your life if you so much as think about touching one another while all three of us are in this bed, do you understand?”

"You never struck me as the puritanical sort," Amy says.

"I’m not," River says, "but trust me, the fact that we even had this conversation will one day make you so embarrassed and uncomfortable that you could die on the spot. No spoilers, of course, but just trust me.”

"How do you know how we’ll feel about it?" Amy says, teasing. River huffs, crossing her arms over her chest in an uncharacteristically petulant manner.

"Because it’s how I feel right now,” River says. “I will wring his bloody neck when we see him tomorrow, just you wait.”

"Oh, now," Amy tuts, affecting a dramatic motherly tone that River snorts at. "Don’t you have a domestic."

"A — !?

"Be nice, Amy," Rory says. "The Doctor did get us in this situation."

"If by situation you mean ‘very small bed,’" Amy says, "but he’s done worse. Accidentally marrying the Queen of whatever planet we’re on isn’t exactly out of character."

River grinds her teeth beside Amy, and Amy reaches out to pat her arm.

"At least it’s comfy," Rory says.

"Oh, yes, of course! How silly of me, at least there’s that," River says, rolling her eyes so hard that Amy can practically hear it. "Why in the universe am I getting to worked up when we have such a comfy bed!"

"You made River Song say comfy bed," Amy says, elbowing Rory and giggling conspiratorially. Rory grins. "Anyway, it’s just for the night. Tomorrow he’ll get an annulment — ooh, unless he consummates the marriage. Although I can’t imagine that gaggle of limbs and chin and hair consummating anything —”

"He’d bloody well better get an annulment," River says. "Or I’ll resuscitate him after I strangle him just so I can do it again."

"It’s not like he meant to do it," says Rory.

"It’s not like he meant to snog Amy,” River says brightly.

Amy and Rory both fall silent, but River can hear Rory shifting around like he’s crossing his arms over his chest in the same petulant way River did earlier — which, admittedly, makes her smile a bit — and Amy elbows her hard in the side.

"You sound might-y jealous,” Amy says after a minute, prodding River in the side with her index fingers.

"You do sound jealous, Dr. Song," Rory says.

"Of _course_ I am, my husband just got accidentally married _again_ and now the quaint little suite we were supposed to share is his _honeymoon_ suite and I know that man is an absolute _moron_ sometimes but — honestly — you’d think he’d have wits enough to avoid stumbling into _nuptials_ , and now I’m stuck sharing a bed in the only available room in the castle with my — my — with you two!”

Amy and Rory fall silent, and so does River, clapping a hand over her face. She’s normally so good about spoilers — her whole life is built out of white lies designed to preserve everyone’s timelines, but this — this was too much.

“I knew it!” shouts Amy. “You _are_ Mrs. Doctor from the future!”

"No,” says River. “He’s Mr. Song, and he’d best not forget it.”

"You didn’t believe me," Amy says to Rory. "You said I was daft."

"No," Rory says, "I said River was way out of his league, so they couldn’t be married."

"Bless you," says River.

"As much as I can see it," Amy says, "I can’t imagine the Doctor being — intimate, eugh, with anybody. I mean — what’s he like in bed?"

"Alright," River says, jumping out of the bed. "That’s it. We’re going to end this conversation right here before it gets anymore disturbing, and believe me when I say you will thank me for this in a few years." She rummages around the dark room for her clothes, getting dressed quickly and then reaching for her blaster. She cocks it like the hero of a Western film and looks over her shoulder at Amy and Rory. "I’m going to go retrieve my husband, and then we’re going to get out of here. You’re going to come along to ensure I don’t kill him on sight. Sound good?"

"Aye, aye, Dr. Song," says Amy, popping out of bed. "She’s a bit scary," Amy adds, whispering to Rory with the sort of smile that tells Rory that Amy kind of loves it.

"Yeah," Rory agrees. "I wonder if you’re related."


End file.
